Thursday, February 20, 2014

Note to Self:

I haven't been here in a while. Why? I'm afraid. I'm afraid someone will see me. I'm afraid of etching out my life on this little blog, for fear it won't turn out as I planned. I'm afraid that my mistakes will be on display and I won't be able to forget them or pretend it didn't happen. Wanna know a secret?

I'm afraid of everything.

Of walking from my car to my front door.

Of sharp objects, cliches, and seeing pain. 

Of trying something new.

Of being noticed.

Of taking the plunge.

Of being forgotten.

Of saying goodbye.

Of saying hello.

Of talking about my fears.

And a lot more things I'm, you guessed it, too afraid to admit. 

Out of necessity, my motto has been:



Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Juicing Detox Diet Part 2

Day 2 of 4 of my Juicing Detox Diet:

Weight: 131.5

Weight is, a lot. It has me wondering if all I have to do to lose ten pounds is drink juice for a week, which I'm totally down with. I'm not as utterly depressed over not having food. Everything goes down hill at the company happy hour, however, when I have half a glass of some super spicy cocktail and then a stella. AND THEN, I go to a friend's birthday where I consumer ANOTHER beer and two bites of mac and cheese. I fully disclose to everyone there I'm on a juice cleanse. They assure me it's okay to have two bites. #wherearemytruefriends #nothere.

Day 3 of 4 of my Juicing Detox Diet:

Weight: 129.5

Hallelujah, I'm back in the 20s. It's like turning back the hands of time. Except it's the ticker on the scale. I tried to tell myself when I started that this was more about health than weight, but numbers don't lie and it's hard not to celebrate. However, the seemingly easy weightloss has me wondering if a.)I will gain it all back as soon as I go off and b.) if my normal diet is actually abnormally loaded with carbs, sweets, and calories, and if I were to simply eat a little healthier, I would be skinnier without extreme liquid diet measures. Answer: yes. 

I felt a little faint today, but powered through. AND THEN. Pizza is delivered to the office. I DIDN'T HAVE ANY. I DESERVE NATIONAL RECOGNITION. I mean, when I was 10 and could touch my toes and do three pull-ups (which I now consider impressive but at the time I was like 75 pounds so, eh)  I got a letter from Bill Clinton congratulating me for being awarded the Presidential Fitness Award. This obviously set me up to value this sort of attention later in life. Where is my health badge? My scholarship to juicing school? My money for losing five pounds of my very own weight?

Nowhere to be found. 

But as they say,

...except avocados. On the third day of your cleanse. 

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Juicing Detox Diet


As my 25th year came to a close, I decided to check something off of my bucket list: a juicing detox diet. When I looked into local juiceries (is that the correct term?), I realized fulfilling this dream of mine would set me back a couple hundred bucks. For juice. Um, no good. Then, as fate would have it, I got an email from Groupon informing me of a four day juice cleanse that would only cost me $75. Between my trips to Mrs. Winston’s salad bar, my occasional frequent frappuccino indulgence, and my Whole Foods hot bar habit, I’m basically almost spending that anyway, so I decide to spring for it.

After scheduling my juice cleanse at Extract (there was about a month back-up due to the Groupon’s popularity), I promptly enter it into my calendar and forget about it. Cut to: the day before my cleanse, when a reminder pops up on my phone. Surprise cleanse! That is probably the best approach to a cleanse anyway. I frantically consume lots of potatoes and Trader Joe’s dark chocolate peanut butter cups in preparation.

The Details: Four day cleanse, with four juices and one detox tea per day. I also get one raw foods snack per day: dried oats, carrots, and celery are on the menu.

Weight: While I’m not doing the cleanse necessarily to lose weight, it would be um, okay, I guess, if I did lose weight. I start the cleanse at…eep! 134. My “happy place” (aka what my acting resume says) is about 125 (I’m 5’6”), so it’d be cool to shed nine lbs in four days. Just saying.

Day 1

It’s hard to stay away from coffee this morning. I started drinking coffee pretty regularly (in small quantities) about a year ago. The office is cold this morning and that java smell is permeating throughout the building. Also, I had to walk past a Starbucks just to pick my cleanse up. Also, my building is right next to a Coffee Bean. Temptation catcalls, but I ignore it.

The first juice is pretty tasty. A little sweet for my taste, so I consider adding lots of cayenne pepper once I get home. In an office full of girls, news of my cleanse gets around pretty fast, and people start checking in on me and offering advice. I welcome the attention, as I figure the more people I tell about it, the more obligated I will feel to fulfill the cleanse. One person tells me (with all the seriousness with which a premed student might tell you that you need to get a mole checked out) I need to go and get myself a drybrush as my lymphatic system is very delicate during juicing and can be stimulated by roughing my skin up a bit. I’m intrigued. 

As lunch rolls around, I realize I depend on food emotionally as I start to get that sad feeling that happens in my stomach right before I cry when I think about how there is no lunch to look forward to. But then Darius Rucker starts blasting in my headphones as I pop open my second bottle of juice and my mood lifts a bit. The remainder of the day is a roller coaster emotionally, as I experience the Doldrums, outrage (forgetting that the cleanse was self-imposed), and jealousy at the sight of solid, sodium-filled food others are consuming.

After heading home, I read a couple of stories about detox and start to feel more inspired.

Then I ate an avocado. Which I feel like might be okay, because it’s raw and good for me and I’m pretty sure it’s always included on lists of “superfoods” which are obviously essential to my well-being. What’s maybe not okay is the soy sauce I dribble all over its green flesh. I then eat a spoonful of hummus straight from the container. Then I pull myself together and have a detox tea, play some Enya, run a detox bath, and consider slathering my entire body in coconut oil. I’m clearly not in the best place mentally, but my heart is in it, and there’s no turning back on my juicing detox diet now.

…to be continued.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Emma Watson’s Braided Updo

She and I share the same initials. Naturally, we also share hair secrets. I mean, we’re close, she and I. We may even start a friendly competition of Who Braided Best, as Emma Watson wore a super complicated braided updo to the premiere of the Bling Ring movie, and I wore the same updo  to work and around my apartment just a day later. In my opinion, my updo was pretty successful. Girls were intrigued by the labyrinth occupying my skull, stopping me to stare at its intricate braiding and taking it in for quite some time before moving on. Guys, on the other hand, seemed perplexed. “It looks like a basket",” and “Wow, that’s…complicated” were the closest things to compliments I got.
emma watson braided updo
Personally, I really liked it. Typically the only kind of updo I attempt is a two-second top knot (and I don’t even use an elastic…or a brush…or a mirror), so something this complex is not usual for me. It felt like I could go from a yoga class to, say, a movie premiere, without feeling too dressed up or down.
emma watson braided updo2

For a  tutorial on how to recreate Emma Watson’s braided updo, head over to

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Share Your Love

I came across this video recently, and found it incredibly cute, and touching, and well, beautiful.

Have you ever been shocked to find that someone you wanted to like you, actually liked you? I can remember a few moments like this. There’s nothing quite like it.