I was just thinking…

Sooooo it’s been a while since I updated…OOOPSIES! I will try not to let so much time pass again. I actually wrote a few and then never posted them. OOPSIES! again. I actually am not very sorry, only I like to look back on my blogging exploits years after. I had an “open diary” when I was like 14, but that website got hacked and everyone’s stuff was deleted, apparently? WHICH IS TOO BAD. I actually had a xanga, and a missingapiece as well…I’m trying to find them all so I can pick out some choice quotes to post here so my younger self can remind my present self of how wise I once was. But it’s difficult, because I’m having trouble remembering my usernames/passwords. Younger me probably didn’t think older me would forget! Because my password hints are always these weird little clues that I know at the time I must have thought duh! of course I’ll remember this inside joke I had with…myself. but I do not.

Okay so I went back to try and find them and it was a little impossible. I did, however, remember one. Also some of the others were deleted. I did find some interesting old emails, though. Anyway, reading over the old entries I realized I’ve lost a sense of hyper activeness that I once had. In comparison, I’m pretty calm now. OMG WTF MATE DID I GROW UP? It’s also a bunch of entries from when I was choosing colleges and thinking about leaving things behind and whatnot so I am certainly reflective in that depressing way that only a 17 year old can be.

“I haven't been aware of it, but slowly my life has been falling into my own hands, bit by bit.  I'm not altogether sure I'm comfortable.”

“It's so difficult to make and renew and keep connections as you age.  So far that's what I've learned.”

I still want to be a princess, I still love chocolate and cheese and sparkly pretty things, and I’m still not exactly sure what I want. I wonder if these things will ever change.

“I don't know what to do anymore.  I'm running wild asking for an answer, questioning everyone and everywhere.  Mainly myself.  I find that I can no longer unhesitatingly furnish the answers that once came so easily.  It all comes down to one question really.  What do I want?  But within that one question there are sub questions and secondary questions and associate questions.  If that makes sense.”

Ohhhhh I was such a confused little soul. I can’t say I have regrets about my life thus far, but I would do some things differently if I could go back. Which, when people say that I always think to myself, “okay, that’s what regret is, but duh, no one wants to say they have regrets about their LIFE because that sounds so sad and probably makes the person who says that feel like a failure.” BUT. If I did do things differently I wouldn’t have learned from them. And I have learned a lot a lot.

You live, you learn. It’s a very comforting thing to say after bad things happen. This is a very reflective post…I think it’s because I’ve been missing a lot of things lately, or realizing that I’m going to miss them soon. And sometimes I get so down and inside the memories and remembering the feelings I had that I get sad. But I tried to think about it like this: I have lived a life to be missed. There are so many things I have loved in my life that I should feel lucky and blessed to even have so many things to miss. And hopefully so many things to come.

:)

PS - The title of this post is this song I used to listen to allllll the time when I was in high school.

She had so much potential.

If you wanna rock, I’m ready to roll

Summmmmmer is on the way. I was going to write that it’s my favorite time of year…but I love so many times of the year. Christmas time and Flower time and Spring Break time and Vacation time and Gator time and Rainboot time and Sweaters are Comfortable to Wear (FL) time, and Beach time. I guess Summer is my favorite technical season. Or maybe my favorite season is the beginning of each season. Which is not a season at all. Just a novelty.

But ANYWAY, it’s warmer now which I appreciate SO much. When I go to the beach it’s like it’s really the beach. But the water is still super freezing. I plan on running into it sometime soon. Because I can’t not.

I auditioned for my first commercial today. I am fairly certain I didn’t get it (I can ALWAYS hear my mother’s voice in my head when I make a comment like that, encouraging me with a truism I’ve heard sooo very many times before). BUT the reason I think that is because I think I am too young for the part. It was for a jewelry commercial, and I was supposed to be the recipient of a proposal. Meanwhile, the day before, I worked on Hannah Montana…I think I looked a lot younger than most of the people I saw go in and out before me. But it’s okay because I like the idea of being too young for marriage. Speaking of marriage, I came across this ring today and I just loooved it.

I have been learning a lot lately, I’ve realized. I don’t know if I’ve become more observant or what, but I’ve been walking away from events in my life with knowledge that I am aware of. Sometimes I walk away from things and looking back I know I’ve learned something from it, but I’m usually not so aware of the lesson. Maaaaybe I am getting more grown up. Also I’ve been writing things down a lot (not here) and I think this is helping. And I’ve been feeling motivated lately. There is just so much I want to DO! I went for a long time without writing things out like I used to and I forgot about how clarifying it can be.

Sometimes I think the reason people don’t feel the need to write anymore is because we have so many other opportunities to express ourselves to others. Feeling sad? hungry? itchy? Tweet about it. Post a quote on your facebook. Write in your BLOG. Redefine who you are by updating your profile page. There’s an illusion that because it’s been released into the universe, someone will read, and perhaps even care about it. Oftentimes I get the distinct feeling that I’m reading a status that was meant for a particular person to see. Like the person writing it is letting whoever is making them sad or itchy or hungry know about it via some cryptic song lyric.

Something I’ve been noticing (um, sorry my transitions are a little…fast paced?) is how other blogs that I read have mainly pictures. Mine is mainly text. So I’m gonna include some pictures to make it more appealing to the eye. It’s going to be a photo collection called Welcome to My Life by Emily Jane Woodruff:

Beautiful place I live that I never ever get tired of

OMG. we have furniture…

And sooooon we will have a band. Roommates putting together the logistics. We are still relatively unsure of what my contribution to the band will be, other than Disney song knowledge/performance. C  UNIT! That’s our band name. We have some really good song titles, too. That is for another post, though.

When I first saw this thing I was like AHHHHH IT’S A WOLF!!!!!! I really thought it was. I was pretty much way more excited to see this guy than any famous person I’ve seen. I miss nature. Later I realized it is definitely a coyote, because wolves are enormous and scary and would not come that close to people. Also this picture was taken from my car, if you’re wondering. So not as cool as seeing a wolf; however I had not ever seen a coyote before so this was a new experience.

Annnd last but not least…

 

You should always end in a shadowy 80s pic.

It’s nice to have a biggest fan, even when it’s your mommy.

Hi hi hi. New blog post. So I came back here and I realized I have COMMENTS from people. And that one of them has a blog! I am so excited. Blogging is qualifiable as a hobby, people. Anyway, I went to her blog and found this little top five thing she did and it got me thinking about how life is not worth living without goals and something to aspire to and how sometimes I forget my goals or put them on the “back burner” (I don’t like using overused phrases, that one in particular I think, so I put it in quotations to make it appear as though I use it less often than I perhaps do). Anyway here it is, although most of the things I entered are based on COMPLETE fantasy so I am not sure how much it helped as far as the goal defining process goes.

Top 5 Things I Daydream About:

1. Buying plane tickets

2. My friends becoming famous people

3. Success…

4. Lately, surprising everyone in Tampa when I magically transport myself to the Taylor Swift concert tomorrow.  THEY WOULD BE SO SURPRISED. Tears. Tears everywhere.

5. Inventing something/writing a book

Top 5 Places I want to travel to: (HOW DO I BEGIN TO CHOOSE. okay. I’ll do it. BUT I don’t promise to be happy about it.)

1. Paris. parisparisparisparis.

2. Amsterdam

3. Australia

4. Greece

5.  Morocco/Egypt/Jerusalem

…I think I cheated.

Top 5 Places I want to move to:

I am not sure about this one. I like it here. Also I just want to be with my friends. It’s a sad thing to realize all the people I love will never, ever be in the same place again. Please someone develop teleportation, asap.

Top 5 Careers I would love to have:

1. Country Music Star

2. Princess of a small country. maaaaybe mid sized.

3. Actress

4. Samantha Brown’s job. but BETTER. because I would be better.

5. Travel Blogger

 

Top 5 Things I wish I could afford: (SO MANY THINGS)

1. A condo with a balcony by the beach. and I want a waterfall in there somewhere. I would settle for a fountain.

2. To travel wherever I want for the next year

3. A personal make up artist/shopper/cook. hopefully I could find one person to do all three so I don't have to count them as three separate things.

4. a boat.

5. Enough funding to start my own...something. School? Like Oprah. Or beneficial to humanity organization. Okay obviously I need to think about this last one more. I would not give me money for it at this point.

Top 5 Things I miss from College (besides friends):

1. My…whole…life…?

2. Room 212

3. Anastasia’s classes, talking about Disney movies from a scholastic perspective, theatre performances…SCHOOL.

4. Ladies Night

5. Knowing 50% of the people in any given bar. Okay. Maybe not 50. But A LOT.

Um. And so. much. more. But I have to stop listing things before I get sad. saaaaad.

okay. that’s it. feel free to respond with your own answers!

Today my mommy called me and left a voicemail singing the Black Eyed Peas song, “Tonight’s gonna be a good night.” She did alter it a little, maybe even branched off into her own version, but it was still recognizable. She told me she had the feeling something good is about to happen to me. I hoooooope so.

"What are you thinking about?" -"The blog post I'll write about this."

So I’m not sure if starting a blog was the best idea ever. Lately I have been using it as a threat which is just sort of weird, I’ve realized. Picture me yelling out my window, “I’M WRITING A BLOG ABOUT THIS! I’ll have you know!” They're all claims of passion though, because by the time I’m ready to blog I’m not as angry any more. But it has gotten me thinking a lot about karma. I’ve come to a conclusion:I don’t really believe in it. I think that if you do terrible things, obviously you will have less than desirable consequences. And likewise for good deeds. So if that is karma I believe in it BUT I don’t think it’s an action-by-action deal. Sometimes people do mean things that affect me and I’ll think to myself, Ooooh just you wait! Karma will get you! (Or lately, just you wait, I’ll write about this in my BLOG.) But what if the bad things that happen to me are not just random things that cause bad karma for others, but rather MY bad karma coming back to me? Maybe I should stop thinking about Karma so much. "No good deed goes unpunished," to quote Wicked. Which I think kind of ties in with the idea that if you're just doing good things for good Karma, it doesn't really count.

Isn’t it fun when you bond with a complete stranger? It happens a lot here, mainly because there are so many crazy people around. For example, right now I’m sitting in Panera next to a lady who is laughing HYSTERICALLY. Nonstop. And it sounds like she’s been smoking for the past 30 years and that she is perhaps coming down with bronchitis. She’s listening to a radio program, I believe. And finally I sort of looked around, giving one of those, ummm is anyone else witnessing this? looks. Which often go unnoticed here but this time this old man kind of gave me this helpless look and shook his head and smiled. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in the land of normalcy. Yep, that’s right folks, I’m normal here. Okay and now she’s speaking in a foreign language. This explains a lot.

Okayyy that is all I have to talk about for now. Slash I left my phone in my car and I need to check something slash parking places for long period of time makes me nervous and I'm at Panera.

Work In Progress - Life Theme?

Sometimes it's difficult for me to decide what to blog about. There are so many things bouncing around inside my head that I'd like to further dissect that it's hard for me to focus on just one. And I know that if I don't focus on one things will get a little crazy. Which I know this whole thought seems a little irrelevant seeing as I have but two other blog posts, but just know that is the extent to which choosing a specific subject plagues me. Often I find I just give up, and write nothing. Also we don't have internet yet so that is a contributer. Actually we have internet everywhere except my room.

I think my room would be a good thing to blog about. I am pretty excited about it right now. Today one of my roommates came back home with a big can of yellow paint and announced she was painting her room. I found this highly motivating for some reason. This is the part where I realized I wanted to live inside of a sea shell. Unfortunately Home Depot and the paints they carry do not share my vision because there is no paint called inside of a seashell. Some got pretty close - pink reef, ballet slippers, pink blush, Hawaiian shell. Also - side not - paint has amazing names. As a general rule. I can't imagine what I would do if I had a whole house to choose things for. It has taken me so very long to decide on things just for this little space I have. I mean the seashell part came right away but I did spend about 45 minutes walking up and down the paint aisles. Because paint looks very different in various lighting. It also changes upon juxtaposition amongst other paint colors. Finally I decided upon one called Southern Beauty. Here is a little link showing what it looks like, although that is not what it actually looks like here

So I have to paint my room. And I have a white quilt. Also I have a bookcase but I need to paint that too, I've decided. Also I'm still not sure what my general theme is, or if I can go with the seashell deal or if it can just be Things Emily Likes. Also, all the furniture I like has taglines like, "Great for your little princess!" and the reviews all start off with, "I bought this for my 5 year old"...so I'm not sure what to make of that. But the way I see it this is just my room and I will do what I want because I don't have to share it with anyone. And I think I have realized that I desperately want a vanity (very movie star of me, no?) but the one I want at target is currently unavailable. Here it is.

At first I was judging even myself because I mean really, what 22 year old needs a little white vanity with a little poofy stool when she already has closet doors that are mirrors that take up an entire wall of her room? What kind of grown up am I? But But then I thought about how 22 is not really too old for a vanity, after all, and it is sort of like a desk anyway, but shorter in length. Also I am thinking about how I will one day have a big fancy bathroom (I think when I am a real grown up I want my bathroom to be as big as my room) and then maybe I can just put it in there. It is an investment. So I shall have it. Except Target no longer has it in stock BUT I have instructed their website to notify me when it's available.

Also one day I will go back and make those links rather than web addresses. Not tonight. And one day I will post pictures of my new room. and maybe my home. These things are works in progress. Maybe that should be the theme of my room.